Makeout Point
by RandomAvocados
Summary: A parody of Lost...pretty selfexplanitory...Odd and random pairings...includes slash and het...second chapter contains mpreg...Cowritten with polar815
1. Chapter 1

This is a story that I wrote with my friend when we were bored. REALLY BORED. Did I mention how bored we were?

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost :wipes away tear: But I do own all the crazy situations and pairings in this story.

Makeout Point: A Lost Parody

Locke ran, or at least tried to run, his hands through Danielle's scraggly hair. Rousseau rubbed her hands over Locke's bald head. She stopped kissing him for a second to say, "I can't believe I've lived on this island for 16 years without you."

Just then Sawyer and Jack walk into the clearing. "Is this Makeout Point?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah," Rousseau answered. "But why are you two here?"

"Um…" Sawyer thought of something to say.

"We were just-" Jack started. The two looked at each other then said at the same time, "We'll be going now. Carry on with…um…whatever it was that you two were doing." And they ran off in opposite directions. What they didn't know was that Kate was hiding in the bushes, watching.

"I thought they both liked me," she cried, all depressed and stuff and turning suicidal. She staggered off into the jungle.

Danielle and Locke then heard Claire yell, "Locke? Locke? Where are you? I need you to watch Aaron for me. Codeword: Aaron."

"You have a code with her?" Danielle cried out. She slapped Locke before he could say anything and ran off looking for Mr. Eko. Meanwhile Locke goes off with Claire to "watch Aaron."

Rousseau, after walking through the jungle for some time, found Eko sitting on a log, a bucket of pocorn in his hand. "Mr. Eko?" She asked, but he held up a hand.

"Wait! Shhhhh…..Get out of the way! This is the best part!" Rousseau turned to see the monster making out with the pilot.

"I can be any girl you want baby," the monster said, and then, with a small pop, turned from Kate to Claire to Shannon. Suddenly, an electric surge runs through both of them and they freeze.

"Okay," Eko started, "there's a commercial. I can tell you what's been happening so far. The pilot that we thought was dead was actually the real pilot's evil twin brother. The real pilot has been living with the monster for the last two months."

"What is this like Daysof the Monster?"

"Exactly. Shhh! It's back on!" The monster and the pilot unfroze. The pilot then noticed Rousseau standing there.

"Oh, not you too!"

"Too?"

"Where do you think Nathan went for 2 hours everyday?"

Eko sniffles. "Nathan was my watching buddy. We used to come out here every day and watch Days of the Monster." He wiped away a tear from his eye. "But the Others killed him! You must die others!" He then charged into the jungle screaming that he will bash their brains in with his Jesus Stick.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the island, Sayidwas making out with Ana Lucia. Suddenly Ana realized that she is sitting on something smooth and silky. She looked down andsaw gold hair. She screamed, "You've been sitting on your ex-girlfriend's dead body this entire time?"

"What? I still love her, and I can't let her go."

"You are disgusting!" Ana slapped Sayid and then stomped off into the jungle.

Back at Makeout Point, Libby and Hurleywere trying to make out. Kate staggered by muttering something about slitting her wrist. Libby ran off to help her. Then Charlie walked into the clearing and sits down next to Hurley.

"Remember when we were here last month?" he said sadly. "We had a thing together, you and I. Whatever happened to us?"

"Dude," Hurley said, "you are so first season. Libby's in right now! I got a girl with a DUI!" He then ran off after Libby.

"Men," Charlie muttered to himself thenstarted walkingback to camp.

Sun and Jin entered the clearing after Hurley and Charlie had just left. Michael suddenly jumped out and said, "Hey! You made it!"

"Is he talking to you?" Jin asked Sun in Korean.

"No, I have no idea what he's talking about," Sun answered back.

"Jin?" Michael asked. "You said you wanted to meet me here remember?"

Sun started screaming at Jin. "You said you loved me and you would never hurt me again! How dare you do this to me!"

"I'm sorry. It's just all those days we spent together building the raft, and then when we were on it so long, we sort of developed a connection."

"I don't want to hear it!" She then hurled Jin against the tree, knocking Arzt's head onto Hurley, who was making out with Libby on the other side.

"Dude, you got some Arzt on you," Libby said.

Meanwhile, Vincent and the polar bearwere watching all of this through the secret cameras hidden all over the jungle. They started laughing and then shared an extremely wet and slobbery kiss. It turns out they are the only happy couple on the island.

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You don't have to review, but they are much appreciated. I'll give you jelly beans!


	2. Chapter 2

I wasn't going to write more of this, but I was really bored. So enjoy. Like the first chapter, this was written with my friend, polar815.

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Sawyer woke up to the sun streaming into his tent and an intense feeling of nausea. He shot up and ran into the jungle, where he started to throw up. Charlie saw this and ran up to help him. "Are you okay, love?"

"Don't call me that!" Sawyer shouted. "I've cheated on you with everybody else on the island!"

"But-but-but-"

"Get a hold of yourself! I think I'm pregnant!" Sawyer said seriously, looking up at Charlie.

"Am I the father?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? With my luck, it's probably the monster or the polar bear. God, I do not want to see what this child will look like. Oh my god! I think I'm going to find out whether I want to or not!" Sawyer screamed and clutched his stomach. "I think it wants out, now!"

"But you just got morning sickness! And we haven't even been here for two months!"

"I think I would know if I'm having contractions!" Sawyer grabbed Charlie's wrist and squeezed with all his might, letting out another scream.

"OW! Just bloody relax! I've been in this situation with Claire. You need to relax. Breathe. Heee Whooo Heee Whooo….Oh God I can't do this! I'm getting Jack!"

"Hell no! I don't want Jack delivering my baby!" But Charlie was already running towards the beach. "What did I do to deserve this?"Sawyer said to himself as another contraction occurred.

"Jack! Jack! Sawyer's having a baby!" Charlie screamed, running through the camp towards Jack.

"Charlie, give 'em to me," Jack said, holding out his hand.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"Your drugs, give 'em to me!"

"I'm not bloody high! I'm serious!"

"Wait, you're serious?"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"You know what this means, don't you?" A wide grin spread across Jack's face. "I'm going to be a father!"

"Are you crazy? I'm the bloody father!" Charlie screamed out.

"You both are crazy!" Hurley said, walking up to them. "It's obviously mine!"

"No, it's mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Has he been sleeping with the entire camp?"

"I think he mentioned something about that." Charlie stared into space, thinking for a couple moments.

"Aren't we forgetting something?" Jack asked, scratching his head.

"Something to do with Sawyer, maybe?"

"Isn't he in labor right now or something like that?"

"Oh yeah!"

---

"Holy crap, Charlie was telling the truth!" Jack called out as he saw Sawyer lying on the ground, clutching his protruding stomach, which had suddenly grown in the last 30 minutes.

"What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a pregnant man before?" Sawyer snapped.

Jack shook his head, "Not that I recall. At least not in this particular fanfic."

"Could you please help me here?"

"Oh yeah."

---

"Push!" Jack screamed.

"I am pushing!" Sawyer looked like he was ready to choke Jack. But with one last push, out came…"Michael?"

"What am I doing here?"

"Congratulations, Sawyer." Jack said. "You may be the 1290th man to have a baby on this site, but you are the first to give birth to an adult."

"Oh sure, Mr. Henry Gale," Michael called out. "_If you follow the compass bearing you'll find rescue._ That little lying cheating whore! I knew he was sleeping with Zeke! But what does that have to do with anything? Oh well.Hey Walt, you coming?"

"Yeah, just a sec!" came Walt's voice from inside of Sawyer. He then climbed out of him and stood beside his dad. "Why aren't we off the island?"

"Because Henry Gale deserves to die! I wish I had shot him when I got the chance."

"Why the hell were you inside me? And please don't tell me there's more."

"Well, we saw Jin while we were coming out, but I think he wants to stay in there."

"Oh no, he don't!" Sawyer yelled. "Jin, you may not speak English, but get the hell out of me!"

"Sawyer, I'm right here," Jin said, walking up to the group.

"You speak English?"

"I'm not speaking English. You're speaking Japanese. Oh wait, aren't I Korean? I mean, you're speaking Korean."

"What? I'm confused. Oh my god!" Sawyer screamed, then out popped Kate.

"Ooh!" Sawyer squealed. "Can I hold her?" he asked, reaching out his arms.

"No you sick pervert! Get the hell away from me!"

"Don't you talk that way to me, young missy! I am your father!"

"I'm pretty sure Skate is never going to happen now!" Jack exclaimed gleefully. "It's all Jate from here!"

THE END


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